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Sudbury Accent: The unforgettable Laura Cotesta

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Note: The Sun Will Shine, a book chronicling Laura Cotesta’s decade long battle with a rare spinal cord tumour has been released by StoriaBooks. The book is comprised of Laura’s writings taken from personal journals, essays, and school assignments.

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In The Sun Will Shine, Laura reflects on her illness, reaching the conclusion that through adversity, one can embrace both life and death, and find peace.

Proceeds of the sale of books will go to support pediatric cancer care in Northern Ontario.

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Books are available now online through Latitude 46 Publishing, in person at the Northern Cancer Foundation, and online at Chapters and Amazon, and in select stores across the country.

The following is the forward written by Pina Cotesta (Laura’s mother).

. . . .

On December 30, 1978 at 7:35 p.m. I became a mother for the first time. There was an overwhelming and over-joyous feeling of love that struck me the moment I first held my precious little baby and felt her take her first breath against my heart.

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On July 22, 1997 shortly after midnight, there was a feeling of helplessness, and I was overcome with sadness as I held my precious child for the last time and felt her take her last breath against my heart.

The darkness and emptiness that I felt is indescribable, but the life Laura lived in between her first and last breath is what I wish to share with you in this book.

This is Laura’s journey.

Supplied photoLaura Cotesta in Grade 9.
Supplied photoLaura Cotesta in Grade 9.

Laura Cristina Cotesta was a cute, adorable child. So petite and dainty and always with a big smile on her face. I enjoyed every milestone with pride. Her first steps, her first words, her first day of school and her first ride on the big yellow bus. My heart was beating so hard, I will never forget letting her go for the first time. She was so proud of riding the bus all alone.

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Her kindergarten teacher praised her; she was her little helper and she made friends with everyone in the class. Her smile was contagious and remains part of all her classmates’ memory of her.

Life was great. We had just had our third child, purchased a new house and were in the prime of our lives. We were fortunate to have a large extended family always around us. Laura loved her two little sisters and was like their second mom. They were her pride and joy and in grade two, she made her first attempt in storytelling. She took first prize for her speech about her sister Daniela. She told everyone how her sister brought joy to her and her family, even though she was noisy, always banging on pots and pans. Laura’s writing, along with her great expressions, made that speech unforgettable.

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That summer we took a family trip to Vancouver with some friends. We had the time of our lives. We visited the zoo and all the tourist attractions possible in that beautiful city. We went to the largest waterparks in Canada. Laura had so much fun with her sister Melissa going up and down the slides, playing in the water, running around and splashing each other. In the midst of this wonder, something happened. As Laura slid down one of the slides, she screamed from the top of her lungs. She had experienced a sharp pain in her back when she landed in the water. We weren’t too worried and brushed off the situation as something that happens in a waterpark. But Laura’s pain continued for the rest of the family vacation. She carried on like a typical child during the day but couldn’t fall asleep at night because her legs hurt and she couldn’t lie down. We had walked so much during the day that we thought the pain in her legs was normal after a long day. We reassured her that everything would be okay.

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Supplied photoLaura Cotesta undergoes physiotherapy in 1995 at Sick Children’s Hospital in Toronto.
Supplied photoLaura Cotesta undergoes physiotherapy in 1995 at Sick Children’s Hospital in Toronto.

Our vacation was over and Laura didn’t complain again until one calm Sunday afternoon. We were outside cutting the grass and the kids were playing. Suddenly Laura started crying and screaming like she had done at the waterpark in Vancouver. We thought it odd because there was no reason why she should be feeling pain in her back and legs. She was in the comfort of her own home, playing like a normal child. Again, we reassured her that everything was okay. But we started to worry.

Over the next few days, Laura saw several doctors: we were told that she was having growing pains and that it would go away. We were also told Laura was suffering from a lack of parental attention because our focus was being spread across three children. The anxiety and uncertainty, along with a crying child who wasn’t sleeping, was taking a toll on us all.

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We were referred to the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto. The doctor there expressed the urgency for an MRI. That became the first horrifying experience of many for Laura as the MRI machine malfunctioned just before her turn. She was in so much pain because she had to lie down for the test.

The next option was to have a myelogram done on her back. This procedure is more invasive as a needle is inserted into the spine with a radioactive liquid so X-rays and pictures can show what was happening in the spinal canal. Laura had to be admitted to SickKids in Toronto for this procedure. She was moved by stretcher to a little room in a back dark hallway. I was asked to stay at the end of the hall where there was a waiting area.

Laura was afraid and crying so loudly I could hear her from down the hallway, but I could not be there to console her. I sat waiting, pacing and then panicking when I heard Laura scream again so loudly it echoed down the hallway. That sound remains a vivid memory for me, to this day.

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I could not stay in the waiting room any longer and ran toward Laura, storming into the room, even though I was prohibited to be there for the procedure. I embraced her, held her tight, consoled her and tried to convince her that everything was going to be okay. I told her I would never leave her again.

That test revealed Laura had cancer and needed immediate surgery on her spine for the resection of a spinal cord tumour. Over the next ten years, the tumor would return five more times, all along a different segment of her spine. Although bedridden and challenged with the results of spinal surgeries for extended periods of time, Laura carried on to live with normalcy. We gave each other strength and dealt with things as they came.

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Supplied photoLaura Cotesta (centre) with friends Laura Stradiotto (left) and Crishina Borgogelli at Laura’s graduation from Lockerby Composite. Stradiotto edited and published The Sun Will Shine, while Borgogelli illustrated the cover.
Supplied photoLaura Cotesta (centre) with friends Laura Stradiotto (left) and Crishina Borgogelli at Laura’s graduation from Lockerby Composite. Stradiotto edited and published The Sun Will Shine, while Borgogelli illustrated the cover.

She continued in her sports in any way she could. School was important to her. She wanted to graduate with her friends, learn to drive and have a “normal” life.

She applied to university and was ready to plunge into adulthood. The countless treatments, tests and procedures were a mere inconvenience for her. But she was so thankful to everyone who played a role in helping her to meet her goals.

Everything she achieved was meaningful. She made everyone feel good; she was always smiling, accepting her challenges and living life with purpose. She used these challenges to make an impact in the lives of others.

Laura was also vocal when it came to sharing her life experiences. A few days before her passing, lying in the intensive care unit, unable to speak, see, or hear, she asked for her family and friends. The police and security monitored the waves of people entering the hospital to visit her. Her body was weak and frail but she managed to scribble messages for us on a clipboard to make us all feel at ease. She made sure all her t’s were crossed and her i’s were dotted in every aspect of her life. She told us not to be afraid. She thanked us for being her friend.

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Her message to me left a similar lump in my heart as the day I put her on the big yellow bus on her first day of school. Only this time, my heart was pounding with anxiety and fear. I could not accept that I had to let her go, for the last time. My eyes filled with tears as she squeezed my hand and scribbled on the clipboard.

Please don’t be afraid mom. I am not giving up “¦I just don’t want to suffer any more. Don’t forget me.

It is impossible to forget her.

She remains part of our lives through memories and the awards given in her honour at The Copper Cliff Skating Club, The Ida Sauve Dance Studio, St. Teresa, Holy Cross and St. Francis elementary schools, St. Benedict Catholic Secondary School, Relay for Life’s “Love and Friendship Team”, and through Lockerby Composite School, and its annual Kids Caring for Kids Remembering Laura Cotesta Cancer Drive.

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Laura also left us her journals and messages of wisdom.

This project is giving Laura the opportunity to complete her wish of someday writing a book about her experiences. It demonstrates how she was able find peace and tranquility throughout her illness.

This feisty girl made my heart race every day of her life. There was nothing ordinary about her life. She had a magic spark and she taught us all that we can achieve what our hearts tell us to do.

If you keep hoping and praying for sunshine, the sunshine is sure to come.

– PINA COTESTA

. . . .

Supplied photoLaura Cotesta (centre) with her sisters Melissa (left) and Danielle. Laura was in Grade 7 at the time.
Supplied photoLaura Cotesta (centre) with her sisters Melissa (left) and Danielle. Laura was in Grade 7 at the time.

Laura Cotesta’s writing:

Our emotions help us express how we feel inside. When we have negative feelings, the best thing to do is think positive and hope for the best because if you keep hoping and praying for the best, it will come sometime. The best feeling I’ve ever had is the feeling of accomplishment, great relief and happiness when I came out of the hospital alive and three years later, was Skater of the Year in 1989. Since then, I have been able to gain my ability to skate.

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***

Health is like a gift of life. Strong faith and good health can get you through anything.

Our bodies can help us to get in touch with God because if we use our bodies to do good things, we are following in Jesus’ footsteps and trying to be a good person. Nobody has a perfect body but we can all respect our bodies and the bodies of others and everyone can try and respect and take care of how our bodies grow.

***

A raging storm is often an unexpected occurrence. In the distance we hear it rage and feel that it will pass – go around us – not disrupt our plans or routine. When the great storm strikes and blows you off your feet, we are forced to re-evaluate our priorities, weigh our plans, let go and ignore what things seemed so important before the terrible storm. Building from scratch, it rages, threatens, frightens and bewilders. Then one day when we least expect it, it disappears. After this the sun covers the storm and shines brighter than we’ve ever known it to shine.

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***

I was the 81st child in the world to have an ependymoma spinal cord tumour.

I was in the hospital for two months because I had a spinal cord tumour. A tumour is something like cancer, but it’s not quite like cancer because a tumour can only come in one place and cancer can spread all over your body. That’s why I should be thankful, that I got a tumour in my spinal cord and not in my brain.

***

Illness is probably harder for the caregiver to deal with than it is for the sufferer.

In my experience, I depend on my mom a lot and I think it’s unfair for her to have to help me so much. But the medical system today wants to save money so they have to cut back nursing staff, funding for tests, funding for doctors and the list goes on. This puts tremendous pressure on the caregiver.

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***

I wish a life without cancer could be achieved as simply as taking an aspirin.

Lockerby Composite School’s Kids Caring for Kids Cancer Drive Committee co-chairs Jasmine Kord, left, and Sydney Gardner are busy preparing for the school’s annual Kids Caring for Kids Cancer Drive in Sudbury, Ont. on Wednesday October 24, 2018, from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. The students are raising funds for the Northeast Cancer Centre’s Pediatric Oncology Program. Over the last 23 years, Lockerby’s cancer drive has raised more than $880, 000 for pediatric cancer care. John Lappa/Sudbury Star/Postmedia Network
Lockerby Composite School’s Kids Caring for Kids Cancer Drive Committee co-chairs Jasmine Kord, left, and Sydney Gardner are busy preparing for the school’s annual Kids Caring for Kids Cancer Drive in Sudbury, Ont. on Wednesday October 24, 2018, from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. The students are raising funds for the Northeast Cancer Centre’s Pediatric Oncology Program. Over the last 23 years, Lockerby’s cancer drive has raised more than $880, 000 for pediatric cancer care. John Lappa/Sudbury Star/Postmedia Network John Lappa/Sudbury Star

***

The point that I would freeze time is when I was eight years old.

I was an innocent and naïve child who had no idea of the hardships that were to come in my life. I knew of hardly any evil or sickness, as I lived in the protected shell of my family’s love. I loved going to school, playing with Barbies and being with my friends. I could run, skip, dance, skate and swim with no problems or worries. I had a best friend who liked me for who I was and who was proud to have me as a friend. We spent a lot of time together and knew each other well. My sisters were young and blameless and they were the centre of my life. My family was one. At Christmas all my cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents would be happy and never resentful of each other.

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My life was almost perfect.

My parents, my sister and I went on a trip to British Columbia in August of 1987. We had a lot of fun sightseeing and visiting. One day we went to a waterslide park. I was so excited. I went up the stairs to the waterslide with no problems. I was scared but I knew everything would be all right. As I started on my way down, my stomach was in my throat.

When I hit the water, my fears were released. I had enjoyed myself and was very content. I was unsuspecting and unaware that my life would never be the same.

We left the waterslide park, never to return. This is the exact moment that I would freeze in my life.

I was a youthful girl who loved life. I had no disease or sickness. I was a small child who just had the time of her life.

I am not sure if I would be the same person as I am today had I actually frozen time at this point. I would not have known the true value of life. I would not have the perspective on life that I have today.

Even though I know deep down that everything happens for a reason, I have yet to figure out why my fate was changed.

I wish I was still a child who was able to live that normal life.

sud.editorial@sunmedia.ca

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